i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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