This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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