Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize