i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize