If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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