She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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