if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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