Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
