please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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