I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
