i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
