Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
