remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
