a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
