Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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