True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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