i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
