dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a search helicopter?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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