dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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