True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
