if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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