I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
