HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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