I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
