he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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