got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
