Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
