He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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