now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
