I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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