There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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