Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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