He told me they were just razor bumps!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
