Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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