Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
