It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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