i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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