just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if only i could text you this smell
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
