You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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