don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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