No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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