ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
