you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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