guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize