My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
