I can tuck mytits in my pants
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize