White coat. Heels.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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