what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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