i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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