My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
