When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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