A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
