we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
