Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
