dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
