New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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