i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
