So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
