Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
