you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My cat gives me a boner
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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