so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
