just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
