Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
