you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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